Destiny years of a mother. Or: I mutate to the 1000-eyed Mama Monster.

I really did not see this coming when I was lying on the couch with a big belly as a white whale languished. And in the Pampers advertising that was never mentioned by accident. But motherhood is dangerous because it makes you extremely susceptible to parasites. As the years go by, one becomes more and more receptive to alien beings who are very comfortable in the maternal body. For example, lately I've been obsessed with a 1000-eyed mom monster. It interferes more and more with my personality and makes me mutate into something stuffy, fun-riddled, unsympathetic.

"Close your mouth while chewing. Seat straight. Do not shovel the food into yourself. Do not leak the plate. Do not wipe your hands on your T-shirt. Do not scratch the plate with the knife. Do not drink your glass all at once. Take your fingers out of the ketchup. Stop rubbing the jam into the carpet with your foot. Wash your hands. Wash your hands again, "the mammal monster says out of my mouth.

It goes on and on. Not the smallest detail escapes. That's the way I never wanted to be.

The 1000-eyed mammal monster I live in ensures that quiet food is very rare. As soon as the 8-year-old sits at the table, I can not rest anymore. I'm on duty.

The 1000-eyed mama monster whispers to me that I can not let bad manners at table go by. Unfortunately, I do not enjoy it at all when the monster takes possession of me. Because that costs an awful lot of strength and nerves. But the little one should become a valuable member of society. And what Hänschen does not learn .... We all know how it works, if you do not tie the wildly proliferating plantain firmly to a trellis. And anyway - what should other people think? Nevertheless - I do not want to take the Miss Rottenmeier.

"The child is not your friend," says the monster. And that is clearly right. However, unfortunately I do not like the role of a restrained mother at all. But I have to go through it. Because I have taken on the responsibility to make this little being familiar with the world and to pave a path for him, which he can tread as lightly as possible. Do not sneeze loudly, have your nose cleaned, let others finish and hand washing is clearly one of them. Oh, alas.

But lately, I've successfully rebelled against the beast. The monster raged and raged inside as the child made huge blubber bubbles in his weekend Fanta with his straw. In the restaurant. And when the little one realized that I would not do something about it immediately, it bubbled even louder and more detailed. Until there was no more fizzy carbonation in the screaming yellow drink. And then he sipped the glass with incredibly snorkeling sounds except for the very last drops. "Everyone!", Cried the child, slamming the glass on the table and shooting a juicy burp afterwards. The 1000-eyed mammal monster was frantic, reared up, screamed shrilly and pinched and squeezed me. I meditated on the menu. I hypnotized the menu. The menu hypnotized me. "Ha !, I can still fight back. Do you see monsters? You have no power over me! "Stage win.

The 1000-eyed mama monster grunted in mischief, curling inside me in frustration, closing 999 eyes and falling into a half asleep. But with an open eye, it keeps on guarding, ready to jump anytime.

"Honey, please stop singing VMCA from the Minions .